take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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