I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
