just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
