so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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