I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
