I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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