East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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