I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Two words: blizzard sex
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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