I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
