you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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