Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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