Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
