A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize