i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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