Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
