Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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