We named our party play list daddy issues
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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