Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
