Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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