I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
