Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
