never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
