You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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