I will die if light touches me.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
