So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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