So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
