lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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