Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
