I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
