my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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