Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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