I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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