I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
