He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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