Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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