just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
