I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
