If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
