ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
