All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
