well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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