wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
