ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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