I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
