I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize