i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
