I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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