I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
