The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
