I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
