I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
