She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
