how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
