If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
