One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need to calm my uterus...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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