Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
