I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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