So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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