I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
