ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
