Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
