i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
