But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
