Buhtt sex?
It was confusing and full of hummus
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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