On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize