Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
