The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
