he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
